Photography Credit to Carpe Diem Photography: Website & Facebook

Shelby and Ryan, repeat clients of mine, welcomed their third child in a homebirth on November 19, 2022. I met Shelby when she was pregnant with her second child, longing for a different birth experience than her first. It wasn’t a bad experience, as she said, but she wanted choices and options. Her second birth was closer to what she desired, being an unmedicated birth. However, her membranes were swept without her express permission, leaving her feeling out of control in her birth.

Shelby’s birth journeys awakened a passion within her for supporting others in birth as a doula. And over the course of her third pregnancy, almost exactly, she worked hard and became certified as a birth doula. Her eyes had been opened to all of the options available in birth and she was eager to explore them all with her third birth. She selected a homebirth midwifery practice, and she was sure to incorporate all of the details about her birth she desired – a birth photographer, delayed cord clamping, cord burning, waiting to discover the gender at the birth, and more – knowing she would have full freedom in her own birth space at home.

But God had different plans for her! Much of it would align with Shelby’s imaginings, but the location did not. Ryan was offered a wonderful job opportunity in the final month of pregnancy which had them selling and buying a house and settling in temporarily with Shelby’s grandmother until their baby was born. Shelby did a lot to prepare her birthing space in a home that wasn’t technically her own. Ultimately, she did the mental and emotional work to prepare a space for her baby in her heart. With all of the moving parts she had been forced to let go of, she could control her readiness within herself. And when the time was right, Shelby was ready.

She had bouts of contractions in the final weeks that were exciting, irritating, and confusing all at once. Those third babies have reputations for being wild cards, and Shelby’s was no different. Her uterus was experienced with two previous births, and it contracted in rehearsal for the big day. Shelby became a master at minimizing the discomfort and trusting she would know when it was time to rally the birth team.

On November 19, around 4:20 pm she texted me to say she had bloody show. I went into detail about how that wasn’t important enough to report and to wait until she had escalating contractions. Of course, being a doula now, and having given birth twice, Shelby knew this. But she replied telling me she had been crampy and felt different that day. She was intentional about giving herself some alone time to prepare for the baby and to pamper herself as well. She did yoga, took a magnesium bath, and did some meditation. She even made arrangements for the kids to be in Richmond for the weekend so she could really hunker down and focus on having a baby if it was truly time.

And it was time. An hour later, Shelby texted to say she was contracting regularly at 7 minutes apart. She had already alerted her midwife and told Ryan to drive back down from Richmond. She felt quite sure it was the real deal but was still content to lay low. Her midwife was with another birthing client, and she didn’t want to interrupt that. (How sweet and thoughtful!)

But a couple of hours later it was clearly time to come. Shelby was having to focus and couldn’t chat anymore, and her husband felt uneasy without the birth team present. She rallied the team at 9:45 pm and I was there by 10:40 pm. And with all of her birth team present and accounted for, Shelby was able to let go and have her baby. She relaxed and smiled, and at one point grabbed her sister’s hand and cried a little at the awe of it all.

Shelby was calm but excited and breathing confidently through her contractions and laboring standing up. The midwife and her team trickled in soon after me and set up their things. She had her eye on the tub that was being prepared for her in the center of the room. It was filled with air, then the water was started around 11:15 or so. The temperature needed to be right, so that would be another detail. It’s not a fast process but it was a process we thought there would be plenty of time for based on how calmly Shelby was laboring. But we were wrong.

Shelby was very in tune with what she felt, and she would tell us. She felt more bulgy pressure at 11:17 pm and by 11:25 she leaned forward into Ryan and scolded him because he leaned on her, a totally active labor sort of thing to do. I pressed on her back, which initially felt good to Shelby. But soon it didn’t. She was quickly spiraling through active labor into transition, and we didn’t quite see the active labor.

Shelby moved easily through each contraction, following her instincts about which positions felt best. She didn’t ask for any advice from anyone but rather owned her space and her birth. She told us what she needed, and we gladly obliged. She went from standing to sitting on the birth ball and there she would remain until right before she birthed.

Her contractions were very close at 2 minutes apart, and her labor behavior changed rapidly from casual talking between and breathing with eyes closed during, to very focused deep vocalizing and short bursts of comment between. I rubbed her back and shoulders between her close and strong contractions to remind her to let them go. But there was hardly time before the next one came.

At 11:31 pm Shelby said, “These feel slightly transitiony.” She expressed the need for counter pressure, and I did it. She was nauseous and requested some peppermint essential oil and her midwife and I scrambled around for some. She even told Ryan where and how he could best hold her and support her. And he was a humble and willing partner for it all. I mentioned after the fact how Shelby was her own sports commentator for her labor. “They are back-to-back! Why are they coming so close? I have no breaks,” Shelby said. And I quietly reminded her that her baby would be born soon. The tub was still too hot, however, and she so wanted to get in. Her midwife leaned in and told Shelby to let her baby come if it was time, and not to hold him in waiting for the tub.

Shelby’s transition contractions, both of them, brought her to her feet. She told us she didn’t want to be on the ball anymore. Later she would tell us how it felt like it was in the way, obstructing the birth of her son. And then she reported to us that her water broke. Like a pit crew, someone helped bring her bottoms off and she stood and breathed through her contractions and felt his head. “Fire in the crotch,” Shelby exclaimed, making it clear to the room that her baby’s head was there.

Her midwife crouched behind her, and Shelby reached down to catch her baby herself. She brought him up to her chest and said, “What the actual heck?! Did that just happen?!” Bringing laughter from the room. William Lewis was born at 11:38 pm, not even 10 minutes after Shelby’s 2 difficult contractions. She stood there and looked at her baby, then up at Ryan and they shared a moment of pure euphoria and amazement. And she was soon escorted to the couch nearby to properly snuggle her baby, birth the placenta, and begin her immediate recovery.

Shelby and Ryan had not found out the baby’s gender, so the great pronouncement was made by Ryan that they had a son! It was a sweet moment of revelation for the two of them and was an immediate perfect addition to their matched set of girl and boy. The placenta was born at short time later, and when the time was right, the separation was made with a ceremonial cord burning, using a handcrafted wooden box built by Shelby’s dad. They were still considering names so we didn’t know it yet, but they would settle on William Lewis.

The scale displayed an impressive weight of 9 lb. 6 oz. for this chunky baby with the 9-lb. neck roll to prove it. He was Shelby’s largest baby but born the fastest without any tears. What a testament that is to the power of a birthing woman’s body when she is given the freedom to follow its lead! We helped Shelby get situated upstairs in the room in which she would do her long-term recovery. And we showered her with all the compliments so deserved for a calm and intuitive birth that had about a 10-minute span of no-longer-chatty-to-transition-and-baby!

The midwives got another labor call, that’s three in one night! So, they cleaned up and gathered their things to go. I left soon after and played Shelby’s journey over and over in my head. There was a point where she felt like the rug had been yanked out from under her when the homebirth, she had already prepared a space for would move to a completely different place that wasn’t her home. But instead, she found her peace within and from her God, and welcomed her baby boy in the manner she had always imagined—on her terms, with her chosen support people present, and surrounded by nothing but birthing freedom and respect, two things she never felt before in her births.

This was a transition to mothering three babies, but it was also a transition for Shelby in her doula journey as well. She will be such a gift to the women she serves in her personal journey about options and advocacy, but also in her personal experiences with letting go and following your baby’s lead. I am so proud of her and will forever be honored to have been chosen as her doula twice.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Gabriella, Michael and I go way back! At least it feels like it. We met when they were pregnant with their first baby. They took my childbirth class, and I was their doula. And here we are just six years and four babies later. They spent some time in Colorado and welcomed their third child there, but the US Navy returned them to Hampton Roads. After two hospital births, then a birth center birth, Gabriella was excited to welcome this baby at home. It was where she felt comfortable, and her previous births taught her that once labor gets active she doesn’t have a lot of time. Cutting out a hospital commute would be a relief. Coordinating her birth team to her home would prove to be a bit stressful though.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Gabriella has a great trust in her body and its perfect design by God to grow and birth her children. I remember being particularly struck by that in her first birth. She is a woman comfortable in her skin and she assisted the doctor in supporting her perineum as her baby crowned.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

This time, the biggest anxiety was having the children taken care of and making sure her birth team got to the house in time. The week before she would give birth, Gabriella called with the distressing news that Michael had been scheduled for watch the Friday and Monday right near when she would likely give birth, going from her history. He would be difficult to reach and have some distance to drive to get home. I assured her that her anxiety about that happening might help to keep her from going into labor that day. She had friends who could help, and of course she had me and her midwives. But it was a hurdle, emotionally and logistically, and we prayed against it.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

On Good Friday, I got a call from Gabriella just before 9:00 am that it was baby day. It also was mid-rush hour and I had a drive through the tunnel to get to her. I told Gabriella it would be best for me to wait a bit to avoid the highest volume travel time, and I would leave after that. But even more importantly, it was the day Michael had watch. Gabriella initiated the message to him that she was in labor but knew there would likely be some delay getting him home. This added another layer of pressure to get everyone there in time.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Just over an hour later, I was on the road with an hour-long drive ahead of me. Gabriella and I were in touch a bit during the drive and I could tell she was nervous she wouldn’t have us there when she needed us. Her midwife and assistants, husband, and I were all expected to arrive between 10:30-11:00. In the interim, she had her best friend on the phone and a local friend at the house to help wrangle the kids and serve as interim doula.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

I hit traffic on the way to Gabriella’s house, probably worse than the traffic I would have hit had I left right at 9:00. But it served as a reminder that I could not predict traffic, and that everything would unfold as it was meant to with or without me. Michael’s eta was about the same as mine and it was far more important that he arrive in time!

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Ultimately, I arrived before the baby, following suite behind the midwives and Michael. I put down my things and thanked Crystal for doing counter pressure in my stead. Gabriella was laboring braced against the kitchen counter with Michael at her side. There were children milling about doing what children do, none of which seemed concerned or even much interested in what Gabriella was doing. I love that her labor was considered so normal that everyone carried on with playing and then lunchtime.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Gabriella was listening to a lovely playlist on her phone that several of us commented on including “First Day of My Life” by Bright Eyes. Gabriella happened to be laboring right near a doorway when the line “Swear I was born right in the doorway” played. Gabriella swayed to the music and even sang under her breathe, while I Michael held her. I pressed gently but firmly on her back. She liked my cold hands.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

It was only a handful of minutes before Gabriella was asking for the tub. She longed for the water in labor and expected to welcome her baby boy in it. I went upstairs to get an update from her midwife, but the water was not the right temperature, and the water level was low. I went out to update Gabriella and she had nearly made her way to the top of the stairs where a contraction stopped her. She swayed against the banister with Michael there to support her. But when the contraction dissipated, she asked me if the tub was ready. I told her there was still some time left to wait.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Gabriella labored through a contraction or two on the upper landing, then went into her bedroom asking, “Is the tub ready yet?” Then she implored, “Please? Please?!” to her midwife, who apologetically said it was not quite ready but would be very soon. It was 11:15 am at this time, and I dipped my hands in some ice water before placing them on Gabriella’s back. She much preferred the cold to the pressure! Her oldest came upstairs to check on things and immediately noticed her mom’s discontent with having to wait to get in the tub. She recommended they sing a song while they waited, and The Grand Old Duke of York was the song of choice. So, we sang it twice (or maybe it was three times) and the tub was ready!

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Wild horses couldn’t keep Gabriella away as she hiked her leg over the side and submerged herself in the warm water. As I remember it she sighed with great relief! (But I might be making that part up.) Gabriella leaned back against the side of the tub and breathe calmly through contractions. Her cervix was likely completely gone, or nearly so, and she provided her own perineal support as her baby boy descended into her birth canal. She spoke to him, encouraging his continued descent, telling him she could feel him, and how excited she was that he was coming. She even told everyone assembled that she could feel him moving down.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Michael remained by Gabriella’s side and was also tending some to their oldest, who had questions here and there. She left for lunch after a few minutes, and Gabriella hunkered down into the tub as her body moved through transition to second stage. We continued to place our hands on her, my cold hands on her back, Michael’s hand on her so she knew he was close. Her midwife reached in to listen to baby from time to time, but mostly sat and were present and unobtrusive. Gabriella lay back and felt her baby just inside knowing her was coming in a few short minutes.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Gabriella rolled off her back onto her hands and knees. Her water broke soon after that at 11:32, and her baby boy moved down quickly to birth. You might not have known he was coming out if you didn’t see the midwife lean in closer behind Gabriella and her hands disappear below the water. Then Tobias emerged from the water’s surface and was passed right into his mother’s hands. He was born at 11:35 am on Good Friday, April 15, 2022. It was a very fitting birthday for this devout Catholic family.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Gabriella and Michael looked upon their son and greeted him with kisses and soft touches. “Bubby is going to be so happy. He got his wish for a baby brother!” After a few minutes had passed, we helped Gabriella out of the tub up onto her bed. She didn’t want to get out of the water and the climb onto the bed was the tallest it had ever been with a baby in her arms and the weariness of birth.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

She birthed the placenta shortly after that and Tobias latched in time. Gabriella and Michael lay in their bed and let the moment sit between them. And a few minutes later their oldest came upstairs to discover what had transpired as she ate her lunch. She was excited to bear the good news to the others downstairs that baby was born, and it was a boy! A short time later the rest of the little people wandered upstairs to meet and welcomed their newest sibling with kisses and questions. It was a beautiful sight to see this entire family on the bed together.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Tobias Ryan weighed 6 lb. 15 oz. and measured 20.5 in. long. Soon after his birth, Crystal came upstairs to share with Gabriella, that during a walk with the children, they prayed for a healthy pregnancy, and big brother prayed that he was grateful for a baby boy! He seemed to know already that it was a boy, so the announcement was particularly exciting for him.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

We lingered to make sure Gabriella got some food to eat and was recovering well. By the time I had left she was already showered and ready for the day. Her agenda should have been cleared of everything but snuggling her baby, but somehow, I suspected she would do some mothering tasks for her other littles in there too. It was a beautiful birth though. A birth surrounded in loving supportive women. And In the end, we all made it in enough time to serve Gabriella. I think her midwife said it well when she said, “Perhaps you had to face your worse fear to know you could do it.” And that she did.

Photo Credit: Ely Mac Photography

Repeat clients, Ashley and Stephen, welcomed their second baby in the most beautiful healing, family-centered cesarean, the likes of which are sadly still hard to come by in our area. Ashley’s first baby was in the breech position late in pregnancy, and given her provider’s protocols, welcomed that baby in a scheduled c-section. It wasn’t bad, as c-sections go, except it left her feeling like she missed out on something. And the separation from her baby initially did not help her to feel bonded and like she birthed her child. So, when she saw the positive pregnancy test, she was on a mission to do all she could to have a very different birth experience. This began with securing her best chance for a VBAC. Her unicornuate uterus was a potential challenge, as it would make her second baby more likely to settle in the breech position. But she was not swayed from her goal and did her part with optimal fetal positioning.

But her baby was confirmed breech late in the pregnancy and since she had the previous uterine scar, her providers were not comfortable doing an external cephalic version (rotating baby to head down by manipulating the mom’s belly). Ashley was extremely disappointed and at a loss for options. She studied Spinning Babies and even invested in an inversion table, but to no avail. Her son was still breech. So before completely consigning herself to a repeat c-section, Ashley sought a second opinion. Enter West End Midwifery. This second opinion would turn out to be the single more important thing she did to impact her birth. In one visit just a few weeks from her due date, Ashley felt listened to and the skilled obgyn was able to successfully rotate her baby to the head down position in an ECV. She and her husband drove the 90-minutes home with a renewed fervor and desire for the VBAC they had originally hoped for. Ashley planned to stay with her original providers but as her blood pressure trended higher that week, there was strong talk of admission to the hospital and induction. So, Ashley officially switched care to West End Midwifery in Richmond, making the weekly drive and keeping close tabs on her blood pressure at home. The trust her new providers had in her was illuminating and really helped her to feel supported to follow her intuition regarding the birth.

Then Ashley was thrown another curve ball. Her water broke. I got the text at 8:30 that morning. She called her new providers who recommended she make her way up to Richmond to be seen in the office. Her water was confirmed broken so the doctor recommended she drink a castor oil shake, get something to eat, and walk around. It didn’t take long for Ashley’s uterus to start contracting and by late that afternoon, Ashley’s contractions were steady at 5 minutes apart. She could still talk through them so they would keep me posted. A couple of hours later, hooked to the monitor and admitted to the hospital, it was time to join them. Ashley’s contractions were relentless at 5 minutes apart and stopping her in her tracks—no walking or talking. I arrived by 9:00 that night.

I was immediately amazed and impressed by what I saw. There were twinkle lights strung from the ceiling and a diffuser with essential oils filling the room with lavender. The diffuser was plainly marked as hospital property, which was an amazing addition. In the corner were various birth balls, a peanut ball, and even a cub inflatable birthing chair. The room was abundantly equipped for labor, and aside from the hospital bed, might have been mistaken for a birth center. The shower and tub were one, and included jets and two shower heads, one removable for more focused hydrotherapy. Perhaps most intriguing was the trio of lights that could glow in virtually any color imaginable. Ashley could truly make that space her own and could envision welcoming her baby in that space. It goes without saying that they had multiple wireless options for monitoring—the telemetry unit, but also the Monika which is a sticker monitor that allows excellent contact with baby and laboring freedom for mom.

Ashley had some scar tissue from a previous LEEP that her doctor tried to break up. She was laboring hard but her cervix was not opening. She was left to labor freely as she wished, while her nurse checked on her blood pressure regularly. It did creep up but following hospital protocols, Ashley was given some oral medication before any talk of magnesium. Thankfully, it lowered her blood pressure and secured her freedom to continue laboring without an epidural.

Ashley spent most of the night doing every possible thing. She labored on her hands and knees, sitting on the birth ball and birthing chair, walking the hallways, all while waves of nausea came and went. Peppermint essential oil was a permanent fixture whether in the diffuser or close by on a cotton ball, a much more pleasant and effective tool for battling nausea. She took a walk on the unit as well but returned to her room shortly thereafter. She was do drawn into her labor to be out and about. This was a good sign of progress, it seemed. I did the Three Sisters of Balance to bring Ashley’s pelvis into balance and she had an emotional release in the process, a very healthy thing for her to do! I hoped in the letting go of her tears she might also be able to let go within to birth her baby. 

And as expected, Ashley was growing weary. So, we positioned the bed into a throne to allow her to lean back against a pillow between contractions, and labor upright and forward without having to fully support her weight on her knees and legs. The doctor came in to do an exam and despite 10 hours of regular contractions, Ashley was still not dilated. He suspected the scar tissue was the culprit but to break it up he would need to be more invasive than previous attempts. To preserve her energy, provide complete pelvic relaxation, and to help maintain a lower blood pressure, Ashley opted for an epidural. She felt safe and supported in her choice, knowing her doctor was trying valiantly to give her every chance at a VBAC. This was one in many steps toward that end. Once comfortable, the obgyn broke up the scar tissue and inserted a foley catheter to hold the cervix open until it dilated on its own. Pitocin was also added to the mix at 6:30 to bring stronger contractions than before. They had also spaced out as Ashley rested, so it would bring them closer. Her water had been broken for 22 hours at this point.

Shift change at 7:00 am brought a new nurse and a new doctor and midwife. Before the original obgyn left, he removed the foley and was pleased to confirm that Ashley was dilated 6 cm. His strategy seemed to be working. With pitocin at 8.0 mu, we were hopeful for an active labor pattern and continued cervical change soon. Ashley breathed more deeply into each contraction, a clue to us that they were intensifying. She continued her laboring most of the day, just as she had overnight. We changed her position in the bed from side-lying with a peanut ball, to side-lying with a stirrup, and even to hands and knees. But by that afternoon, even after position changes and steady pitocin and consistent contractions, Ashley was dilated to 4 cm. But more significant than that was the fact that her baby had not moved down at all. This was very telling and it was time to have a frank conversation. 

The midwife recommended a c-section but one very different than her previous. She would have both the obgyn and the midwife participate in the birth. And here is how it went. The obgyn did the surgical part of the birth and their baby was birthed into the midwife’s hands and passed directly to Ashley. There was no stop at the warmer. Instead, he went straight to his mother for instant skin-to-skin. He cleared her fluids well with crying and some bulb suction, and Stephen cut his son’s cord as he rested on Ashley. They were never separated at any point during the c-section. Benton Leopold was born at 4:18 pm on March 31, 2021 in a very healing birth.

Ashley was returned to her labor and delivery room for her recovery period and Benton latched well for her, especially after his uninterrupted skin-to-skin time. He weighed 6 lb. 6 oz. and spent his first hour of life in his mom’s arms. Ashley emerged from the birth with the most peaceful smile on her face. She was thrilled to have a healthy baby but just as excited to feel the healing that comes from feeling heard. Ashley was met at every turn in Richmond with open minds and hearts. And when her baby was born 32 hours after her water broke, there was not an alarmist response. Instead, she was met with patience, reasonable diligence, and open communication. Ashley was beaming! In welcoming her son, she also welcomed her own motherhood, a stronger, more self-assured mother. She found her voice and listened to it this time, doing the hard things like driving far, and using every possible comfort measure and position to make it happen. She can do hard things. And in doing the hard things, she found herself. And I couldn’t be happier for her or more honored to have watched it happen. Welcome to the world, Benton Leopold! 

Phoebe Lamar arrived in a way unlike any of her mother’s previous births. So many things were different—she was born during a pandemic, she was born at home, and she was a SHE! Although this was my third time to accompany Elizabeth and Tyler in birth, it by no means was a repeat of the other births. Every single birth journey is unique as every single baby is unique. Elizabeth was pregnant before COVID-19 took hold of the world. She had considered a homebirth previously, but once the pandemic had made its mark on the labor and delivery units of local hospitals, Elizabeth knew it was time to take her birth home. She knew who she wanted to have present and she knew they unfortunately, would not all be permitted if she gave birth in the hospital. She chose her homebirth midwife and was all set.

However, her pregnancy did not go without hiccups. She failed her glucose tolerance test and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Her midwife was not overly concerned and in time the erroneous readings were traced to a faulty glucometer. From that point on, Elizabeth’s sugars were great, as was her diet. She continued on with her pregnancy, going past her due date by over a week, which did not surprise us in the least since this had been her experience previously.

With the days closing in on an impending hospital transfer and induction, Elizabeth tried some natural methods to tip her uterus into labor. And the regimen recommended by her midwife did the trick because by 9:30 that night, Elizabeth and Tyler had retreated to their bedroom upstairs, out of sight and earshot of their other children who were in grandma’s care. Things ramped up rather quickly, and just before midnight the entire birth team was assembled in their home in the country. (Elizabeth was very thankful there was no active labor car ride necessary this time around.) They had drifted into a comfortable rhythm with each contraction. Elizabeth would cease her chatter and Tyler would step in closer to apply counter pressure to her back. Elizabeth was as expressive as usual between her contractions, but we were not fooled. She was being drawn in deeper before our eyes.

An hour later, with contractions coming every 2 ½ minutes, Elizabeth let the reality set in that “It’s going to be hard and I’m not excited about it.” Recognizing even the most subtle of signs, the midwives began to fill the tub. Sweat beaded on Elizabeth’s forehead and we applied a wet cold cloth. Her exhales morphed into “ohs” and her words between came slower and fewer. It became more difficult to remain even keeled and Elizabeth knew she wanted in the tub. Even though it wasn’t quite full, her midwives support her desire to get in, knowing that her intuition was the best guide. Elizabeth entered the tub at 3:35 am. Elizabeth leaned back against the tub wall, then she leaned forward and rocked on her hands and knees. We maintained our steady support as she drifted deeper. Her water broke at 4:07 am, we knew because Elizabeth told us so. And she was almost immediately overcome with a pushing contraction. I pushed against Elizabeth’s back as she felt the most intense pressure of all as her baby came through. And she soon gasped, “She’s coming! I can feel her,” as if to let us know so we could take our places, even though we were already there. And the head moved slowly out into the midwife’s hand, and another push brought Phoebe into the world at 4:18 am on September 8.

Elizabeth received her baby girl from under her leg and into her arms in true waterbirth style. “We have a girl!” she exclaimed looking up at Tyler, as if saying it made it real and true. This was the first girl after all boys, after all. So seeing (and feeling) is believing! The placenta was born just past 4:30 and there was no hurry to separate Phoebe from it, not from her mother. She rested in her arms and had her first meal of colostrum before any thought of anything else. Eventually Phoebe was weighed and examined. She came in at 8 lb. 4.8 oz. and measured 21 in. long, right as the sun was started to rise outside. Her brothers would be up soon along with the chickens and turkeys. We soon cleaned up and took our leave so the family could settle in with their newest addition, right as grandma was waking up. It was a beautiful birth and except for the masks on our faces, didn’t let on to the craziness of a pandemic that had overtaken our world. We felt the beauty that night. And the normalcy. And the love. Thank you for that. 

**All images courtesy of Amanda with Kimberlin Gray Photography: kimberlingrayphotography.com

Congratulations to Ashley and Chris on the arrival of their third son, Bennett Alastor, born July 6. This couple were repeat clients of mine and reached out early. They also decided to welcome this baby at home in light of the advent of COVID-19 and the subsequent restrictions imposed by hospitals on birth support. Ashley had always been surrounded by family and this birth would be no different. So she decided to welcome her baby at home. Ashley did not reach out to me very often, that tends to be her way. Even when she waited beyond her due date. For that, much to her frustration, also tends to be her way. But when the text came through at 7:00 that Sunday evening, I knew it was labor. She had already done “all of the things” (hydrating well and getting in the shower, and even the Miles Circuit) and still her contractions persisted. Updates would come as needed, which again, was Ashley’s way. 

 The next text was from Chris and came at 10:44 pm. The fact that he sent it and not Ashley was a strong indication that she was a bit too engrossed in her contractions to be troubled to type a text. And sure enough, Ashley’s contractions were steady at every 3 minutes and lasting a minute each. It was time and I was on their front doorstep within the hour. Ashley’s mother opened the door for me holding the family pooch. She was waiting by the door for me as I approached. It was a precious moment for me, and one that is only possible with a homebirth. 

The room in which Ashley lay was decorated with a lovely string of lights and she had her mom and sister, and husband, of course, all right there. Things were escalating for sure, and she paid less attention to the Harry Potter movie on the television. (Yes, they named their son after a Harry Potter character. They are big fans!) Family chatted excitedly about the coming baby, but also were available to check on big brothers who were sleeping right next door. Chris applied counter pressure and Ashley’s midwife and assistant attended to her medical needs, allowing space and time for contractions to come and go as they worked.

Chris’ hands flew up in victory as he exclaimed, “You did it!”

Ashley’s breathing grew short at the peaks of her contractions and her back gave her great pain. The warm rice sock and counter pressure helped, but she found herself doubting whether she was progressing. Of course, the very doubt was a sign to the rest of us that she was progressing quite well. But she requested an exam just to be sure. Her midwife assured her it wasn’t necessary for they were checking with their eyes as long as everything was going well, and it appeared to be. Plus we also added that numbers lie and the centimeters of one contraction had no bearing on the next or on how much time remained before her baby was in her arms. Ashley’s breathing changed and sounded more like she was transitioning into second stage. She entered the tub right then—it was 12:30 am—but she was unsettled about the urge to push and how she would know it was time if she didn’t feel it. (She hadn’t felt a strong urge in her previous two births, or at least was pushing before the sensation to bear down was overwhelming.) This was different. There was no reason to do anything different unless Ashley was ready. But Ashley really wanted to know her dilation so her midwife obliged and confirmed she was most definitely close at 8-9 cm. It was 12:35 am. “But that’s the worst part,” exclaimed Ashley. To which I responded, “Yes, but it is also the shortest part.” Two more contractions and her water broke, and we could see Bennett. Ashley pushed through her discomfort and when her baby’s head was out she reached down to feel. And then with the next pushing contraction she birthed her son into her own hands. Bennett Alastor was born at 12:43 am, to tears and celebration in his parents’ bedroom. And all while his big brothers slept on the other side of the wall. 

He was snuggled in his mother’s arms a long while with Dad cutting the cord and even his first assessments done in that time. Bennett weighed 6 lb. 11.8 oz. and measured 19 in. long, the same weight and length of his own mother, as noted by the woman who birthed her. And that was just the icing on the cake really. The simplicity and comfort of a homebirth is something special and Ashley and Chris settled into their own bed as the rest of us gathered our things and left them to rest. I appreciated being reminded that birth works and doesn’t usually need anything more than the woman birthing. Especially considering the state of the world currently, with fear and confusion about the pandemic at every turn. Welcome to the world, Bennett Alastor. In your sweet home you were sheltered from so much, and we were all put in touch with what normal birth looks like, from behind masks, of course. 

Bennett Alastor now

Jacqueline and Tony welcomed their third child, Cooper Jay, on June 12. After giving it some thought, and listening to what her heart had been saying for many years, Jacqueline decided to welcome Cooper at home. After all, she herself had been born at home and she had always felt drawn to it. This was also my third time to serve as their doula so we rejoiced together with the previous births and looked forward to welcoming Cooper with just as much love. Jaqueline was in her first trimester during a time of much upeaval. The Midwifery Center at DePaul had just closed its doors, and her beloved midwives who had cared so well for her twice before, would be attending births at a different facility that did not have the same amenities, aka a birth tub. Then the world was overtaken by the COVID-19 pandemic, further affecting her birth options, most namely, that she could have her doula and children present. Finally, she had good reasons to just listen to the desires of her heart without reservation. She did her research and found her midwife. 

Towards the end of her pregnancy, Jacqueline lost sleep over bouts of contractions that left her confused and frustrated, and very exhausted. After one particularly tough night, she reached out to me. And as it turned out, those contractions would never relent and I was at her house shortly after lunch. Jacqueline was lovingly doted on by her daughter who was a veritable doula in training! Tony drifted in and out to take care of the children’s needs as well as giving Jacqueline the in person emotional support she needed. Things were slow to intensify, but several hours later, once her midwifes had arrived, Jacqueline drifted into more active labor. Her contractions were strong and she felt pressure like she might need to push but she could sense that her baby wasn’t descending. Her midwife did an exam and confirmed that Jacqueline was dilated 7 cm and 90% effaced. Her baby was likely malpositioned so the recommendation was to do some stair walking. Jacqueline had already been laboring in a variety of positions but her baby needed a bit more. So she walked up and down the stairs, legs spread as far as she could manage, all while having contractions, for about 45 minutes. The stairs flipped a switch and Jacqueline was working. I recommended the shower and she returned to where she had already felt such comfort hours before. Jacqueline felt such pressure from her contractions that she knew her baby would be born shortly. Then we heard a loud splash (over the sound of the shower!) as her water broke. And with a growl her baby was quickly on the verge of birth. Jacqueline only pushed a couple of times before her son entered the world at 9:41 pm! She grabbed him to her chest and took in all of the emotions. 

Jacqueline was surrounded by her husband and children, feeling all of the love…and admiration, as we heard, “I didn’t know my mom had superpowers!” She settled into her own bed in her own room as she completed delivery of the placenta and began her recovery. Her children peeked in on their baby brother and welcomed him with snuggles and sweet words. Tony and Jacqueline exchanged a kiss and after admiring Cooper, Tony went downstairs to prepare a snack plate for Jacqueline and the kids. After some extended skin to skin time and nursing, Cooper was weighed and measured. His numbers came to 7 lb. 7 oz. and 20 in. long. He had a head full of brown hair which prompted Jacqueline to share with us that she had dreamed years ago she would welcome a brown-haired son. Clearly his time had come. I love that Jacqueline listened to her heart instead of her head so much. She is a thinker. She followed her desire to welcome her baby at home, and she even followed her yearning for a third child, who turned out to be the one she had been dreaming of all this time. Congratulations again to this family who is so dear to me. I appreciate you and am grateful to have journeyed in birth with you three times.

Cooper now at 3 months old