Gabriella, Michael and I go way back! At least it feels like it. We met when they were pregnant with their first baby. They took my childbirth class, and I was their doula. And here we are just six years and four babies later. They spent some time in Colorado and welcomed their third child there, but the US Navy returned them to Hampton Roads. After two hospital births, then a birth center birth, Gabriella was excited to welcome this baby at home. It was where she felt comfortable, and her previous births taught her that once labor gets active she doesn’t have a lot of time. Cutting out a hospital commute would be a relief. Coordinating her birth team to her home would prove to be a bit stressful though.

Gabriella has a great trust in her body and its perfect design by God to grow and birth her children. I remember being particularly struck by that in her first birth. She is a woman comfortable in her skin and she assisted the doctor in supporting her perineum as her baby crowned.

This time, the biggest anxiety was having the children taken care of and making sure her birth team got to the house in time. The week before she would give birth, Gabriella called with the distressing news that Michael had been scheduled for watch the Friday and Monday right near when she would likely give birth, going from her history. He would be difficult to reach and have some distance to drive to get home. I assured her that her anxiety about that happening might help to keep her from going into labor that day. She had friends who could help, and of course she had me and her midwives. But it was a hurdle, emotionally and logistically, and we prayed against it.

On Good Friday, I got a call from Gabriella just before 9:00 am that it was baby day. It also was mid-rush hour and I had a drive through the tunnel to get to her. I told Gabriella it would be best for me to wait a bit to avoid the highest volume travel time, and I would leave after that. But even more importantly, it was the day Michael had watch. Gabriella initiated the message to him that she was in labor but knew there would likely be some delay getting him home. This added another layer of pressure to get everyone there in time.

Just over an hour later, I was on the road with an hour-long drive ahead of me. Gabriella and I were in touch a bit during the drive and I could tell she was nervous she wouldn’t have us there when she needed us. Her midwife and assistants, husband, and I were all expected to arrive between 10:30-11:00. In the interim, she had her best friend on the phone and a local friend at the house to help wrangle the kids and serve as interim doula.

I hit traffic on the way to Gabriella’s house, probably worse than the traffic I would have hit had I left right at 9:00. But it served as a reminder that I could not predict traffic, and that everything would unfold as it was meant to with or without me. Michael’s eta was about the same as mine and it was far more important that he arrive in time!

Ultimately, I arrived before the baby, following suite behind the midwives and Michael. I put down my things and thanked Crystal for doing counter pressure in my stead. Gabriella was laboring braced against the kitchen counter with Michael at her side. There were children milling about doing what children do, none of which seemed concerned or even much interested in what Gabriella was doing. I love that her labor was considered so normal that everyone carried on with playing and then lunchtime.

Gabriella was listening to a lovely playlist on her phone that several of us commented on including “First Day of My Life” by Bright Eyes. Gabriella happened to be laboring right near a doorway when the line “Swear I was born right in the doorway” played. Gabriella swayed to the music and even sang under her breathe, while I Michael held her. I pressed gently but firmly on her back. She liked my cold hands.

It was only a handful of minutes before Gabriella was asking for the tub. She longed for the water in labor and expected to welcome her baby boy in it. I went upstairs to get an update from her midwife, but the water was not the right temperature, and the water level was low. I went out to update Gabriella and she had nearly made her way to the top of the stairs where a contraction stopped her. She swayed against the banister with Michael there to support her. But when the contraction dissipated, she asked me if the tub was ready. I told her there was still some time left to wait.

Gabriella labored through a contraction or two on the upper landing, then went into her bedroom asking, “Is the tub ready yet?” Then she implored, “Please? Please?!” to her midwife, who apologetically said it was not quite ready but would be very soon. It was 11:15 am at this time, and I dipped my hands in some ice water before placing them on Gabriella’s back. She much preferred the cold to the pressure! Her oldest came upstairs to check on things and immediately noticed her mom’s discontent with having to wait to get in the tub. She recommended they sing a song while they waited, and The Grand Old Duke of York was the song of choice. So, we sang it twice (or maybe it was three times) and the tub was ready!

Wild horses couldn’t keep Gabriella away as she hiked her leg over the side and submerged herself in the warm water. As I remember it she sighed with great relief! (But I might be making that part up.) Gabriella leaned back against the side of the tub and breathe calmly through contractions. Her cervix was likely completely gone, or nearly so, and she provided her own perineal support as her baby boy descended into her birth canal. She spoke to him, encouraging his continued descent, telling him she could feel him, and how excited she was that he was coming. She even told everyone assembled that she could feel him moving down.

Michael remained by Gabriella’s side and was also tending some to their oldest, who had questions here and there. She left for lunch after a few minutes, and Gabriella hunkered down into the tub as her body moved through transition to second stage. We continued to place our hands on her, my cold hands on her back, Michael’s hand on her so she knew he was close. Her midwife reached in to listen to baby from time to time, but mostly sat and were present and unobtrusive. Gabriella lay back and felt her baby just inside knowing her was coming in a few short minutes.

Gabriella rolled off her back onto her hands and knees. Her water broke soon after that at 11:32, and her baby boy moved down quickly to birth. You might not have known he was coming out if you didn’t see the midwife lean in closer behind Gabriella and her hands disappear below the water. Then Tobias emerged from the water’s surface and was passed right into his mother’s hands. He was born at 11:35 am on Good Friday, April 15, 2022. It was a very fitting birthday for this devout Catholic family.

Gabriella and Michael looked upon their son and greeted him with kisses and soft touches. “Bubby is going to be so happy. He got his wish for a baby brother!” After a few minutes had passed, we helped Gabriella out of the tub up onto her bed. She didn’t want to get out of the water and the climb onto the bed was the tallest it had ever been with a baby in her arms and the weariness of birth.

She birthed the placenta shortly after that and Tobias latched in time. Gabriella and Michael lay in their bed and let the moment sit between them. And a few minutes later their oldest came upstairs to discover what had transpired as she ate her lunch. She was excited to bear the good news to the others downstairs that baby was born, and it was a boy! A short time later the rest of the little people wandered upstairs to meet and welcomed their newest sibling with kisses and questions. It was a beautiful sight to see this entire family on the bed together.

Tobias Ryan weighed 6 lb. 15 oz. and measured 20.5 in. long. Soon after his birth, Crystal came upstairs to share with Gabriella, that during a walk with the children, they prayed for a healthy pregnancy, and big brother prayed that he was grateful for a baby boy! He seemed to know already that it was a boy, so the announcement was particularly exciting for him.

We lingered to make sure Gabriella got some food to eat and was recovering well. By the time I had left she was already showered and ready for the day. Her agenda should have been cleared of everything but snuggling her baby, but somehow, I suspected she would do some mothering tasks for her other littles in there too. It was a beautiful birth though. A birth surrounded in loving supportive women. And In the end, we all made it in enough time to serve Gabriella. I think her midwife said it well when she said, “Perhaps you had to face your worse fear to know you could do it.” And that she did.

The Birth of Tobias Ryan 4/15/22