At first glance, this may appear to be the opposite of what a doula would write about. But hear me out. Support and advocate are two words that have been erroneously linked to the doula profession but do a disservice to doulas and to the women they serve when used to describe what we do. Let’s break the words down separately. 

Support. I had never considered this word as inappropriate for doulas until hearing Michel Odent speak of it. Don’t doulas support? Isn’t that the end all, be all of our work? Well actually, it’s not. Stay with me, and Michel, for that matter. If we support someone, we insinuate that they require our assistance. To support means “to bear or hold up; serve as a foundation for.” It can also mean “to sustain (a person, the mind, spirts, courage, etc.) under trial or affliction.” While the second definition is closer to what we do, it’s still not correct. When a woman gives birth, she is the one doing the birthing. It is from her body, her mind, and even her spirit, through which her baby comes forth. She does not need her doula’s support to make this happen. Sure, I hear from many clients following the birth that they “couldn’t do it without my support.” But this makes me feel a bit self-conscious and it is simply untrue. It’s very important to check your ego at the door here and remind your client and yourself if necessary, that it was from her own determination, actions, and choices that she birthed, not because of you.

Looking at the root of the word, doula, can lend some further insight. Doula is a Greek word that means servant. And a servant is someone who is employed by another, or in service of another. Ah yes! Service. THAT is what a doula does for her clients. She serves them. She does not support them, a word that connotates she is required for her client’s success, in the same way a building would crumble without the support of its foundation. A doula is invited into a sacred space to perform humble work in service of another. A doula SERVES.

Advocate. This word has rubbed me the wrong way for about as long as I have been a doula. While it is true that doulas are champions of a woman’s agency, choice, and respect in pregnancy, birth and mothering, it is not the doula’s role to advocate for her clients. Unfortunately, the lines get muddied here, spreading misinformation about the correlation between doulas and advocacy far and wide. We see the word “advocate” listed all over the place in affiliation with doulas—on tote bags, t-shirts, stickers, even in the job description. But at the heart of what we do, we do not advocate for our clients. At least we shouldn’t. Our appropriate role as the doula is to facilitate our client’s ability to advocate for herself. And if she is not able to (i.e., in the throes of labor and unable to focus or communicate because she is too overwhelmed), then her partner can advocate for her. As the doula I will not rob my client of the opportunity to harness her own power and advocate for herself and her baby. The doula empowers her clients to do this for themselves. She is not to strip that power away by seizing it from her client.

There is an important caveat to this. When a doula advocates for her clients by speaking for them, she becomes the one communicating with the provider, further blurring the line between doula and provider. If we are to maintain separate roles, then our place on the birth team should remain one in service to the birthing woman and partner. If she seeks more information, we can help her to get it by encouraging her to ask questions and communicate directly with her medical care team. But it is not our place to discuss her care with the provider. There have been situations in which the provider talked with me about ideas for furthering labor’s progress, i.e., various labor positions and comfort measures, but they did not consult with me regarding medical decisions. There is a big difference here. Our clients must be the ones advocating for themselves. Not us.

If we are to stay true to the call of our profession as doulas then we are to serve our clients by facilitating their own process. There is no room for our ego in their birth. We are tasked to come to her side without judgement or preconceived notions, free of self-importance, agenda, and pride. Instead, we are to accompany her, bear witness to her, listen to her, and humble ourselves to her. Remember that as doulas we are servants. Our role is small in reference to the task of the birthing woman. We are mere satellites encircling her as she brings forth life from the depth of her power. She is the one to be elevated, celebrated, and in the simplest and most profound of words, served.